


Love, Connor

by JustAnAnxiousKid



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Love Simon (2018)
Genre: Also because I applied to my top college earlier this month and im anxious, I finally got around to watching the love simon movie a while ago, I've been writing this since christmas, M/M, So I was like hey, and so this started, can't promise it's working, enjoy, please like it I need validation, this has been how I've been destressing, what if I did a DEH crossover?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnAnxiousKid/pseuds/JustAnAnxiousKid
Summary: When someone makes a post to the school blog coming out, Connor finds himself wondering how to react. It's not every day that you find out someone is just like you at your school before the first day of your senior year.Now, he must try and answer a few questions himself.1. Is he as brave as his new pen pal?2. Does he like this new friend?Then, the best one has to always be saved for last -3. Why the fuck did Jared Kleinman read his emails?
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Love, Connor

Do you ever feel as though you’re on a ferris wheel? Reaching the high’s before dipping down to the lows, constantly in a never ending circle? Well, welcome to the life of a high school senior.

It’s not like my life isn’t great. Don’t get me wrong there. My parents loved each other, and I loved them and my sister (not that I would say that to them. Talk about embarrassing), but here’s the thing - I have one big ass secret that I’m just not quite ready to tell yet.

It all started on the first day of senior year. Which, as you probably figured, is about as disgusting as it sounds. Listening to everyone say “one more year” for the last four years has always caused what could quite possibly be known as the leading cause of every eighteen year old’s worst migraine to have occurred in said eighteen years. Especially when the assumption is that most high school seniors will in fact be continuing into yet another four year school. This one just including significantly more debt and a lot more ramen noodles.

Now, just add a good old mix of bipolar depression into the mix and what do you get from that thick and bitter batter? A nice serving of Connor Murphy.

See, senior year was something to look forward to in some ways, obviously. I mean, hey, leaving the shit show that is a senior high school sounds like a blast to everyone. You know, aside from the eighth graders who can’t wait to be freshman for whatever odd reason.

Probably high school musical.

It’s usually high school musical.

I’m not sure who’s gonna break it to them that their biggest fear should be the looming threat of debt they’ll likely face, but hey. Let the kids live or whatever. Now, get that damn image of Sharpay and her brother that no one remembers the name of out of your head - you know the one I’m referring to. The one when she dances in the pool but it’s supposed to mimic her cup. Yeah. Push it away. We’re in the middle of a story, here. 

Yeah, so, that secret. I bet you’re wondering what it is. Well, here’s the thing. It’s not exactly your business. This isn’t some elementary school bullshit where you tell your best buddy you have a super big and special secret that no one can know about and then tell the entire class less than ten minutes later. This is some if anyone finds out about this I could get kicked out of my house and live on the streets for the rest of my life shit. So, no, it’s not ideal to go and spread it around.

Instead, I’ll just tell you about a morning in the Murphy house. Because I bet that’s so interesting to you, right?

Too bad. My story to tell, fucking deal with it.

Where was I? Oh, right. First day of senior year.

You know how sometimes in school, you have that weird ass English teacher who has your class make blogs as an assignment? Yeah, so, you see. That usually goes two ways. It will either be known as the blog that’s purely for your teachers entertainment when she makes you post all your essays for the rest of your class to see. Or, it can be the one they say to “have fun with”. 

That’s how the most well known site across the student body at my school came to be. It’s like those stupid drama youtube channels, except it’s written and usually isn’t talking about James Charles. No, we have our own disasters to deal with. Like that one time that Collin Harris made a sex tape in the nurses bathroom and it got leaked online? Yeah, that was pretty fucking funny. For everyone except the poor girl who was in it. Hey, she made the choice to have sex with him though. Even I could’ve told her that would end poorly. 

So, yeah, everyone at school uses the blog for “spilling the tea” or whatever they’re calling it this year. I’m assuming you get the point, though.

Usually, it’s just little things. Like someone cheating on their boyfriend or girlfriend or stupid shit like that.

Not that cheating should be taken lightly. Don’t you ever twist my words right there. That shit is fucked up and everyone knows it. The people who deny it are the ones you have to look out for in life.

So, when someone posts about how they have a giant ass secret and they’re totally gay, it can kinda throw your day off. Especially when I was pretty sure up until now that my school consisted primarily of biggoted dicks who still think the pulling out method works. It was even more weird to find out about said post at the breakfast table.

“Did you see the new post?”

It was weird hearing it, because that’s not really the kind of thing you talk about with your parents. So, why Zoe decided to bring it up is honestly beyond me. Like, what the hell does Larry care about school drama for? Even if he pretended to be on of those cool parents who knew everything, it would still be none of his business. 

“Connor, it’s rude to ignore your sister.” My mom cut through, causing me to look up from my cereal slowly. 

“Why the fuck am I answering a question that’s clearly not for me?” I deadpanned, dumping the rest of my bowl into the sink. “That would be rude.”

“Because it was for you, dumbass.” Zoe retorted, giving me that stupid fucking look she always does. The one where she’s judging me for whatever she can find to judge today. It made my stomach churn with anger. Maybe I should’ve had more milk to take down the fire.

“Fuck you.” I mutter, making my way upstairs and trying to block out the argument that’s brewing from the kitchen.

Because, I mean, yeah. Obviously I saw the fucking post. Who hadn’t? Someone at our school actually had the balls to post online about how they’re gay. That’s huge! It’s already plastered across everyone’s instagrams, too. It’s like the common cold. Once someone gets their hands on it, suddenly it’s everywhere.

But… it felt weird, in a way. Like, who does that? Right? The only person to have come out so far at our school was Liam and everyone knew how that was going for him. I mean, the poor kid always gets those stupid comments thrown at him everyday in the halls. Who else would want that?

Ah, right. Not even the dumbass who posted their confession, because it was posted anonymously. Which, mind you, is just about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Especially considering the account was hooked to a whole ass fake email. Really? “Evergreen96”? What kind of email is that? 

Yet, staring at it, it is kinda cool. In a way. I mean, coming out through the schools blog? That takes guts. And… well, maybe someone should tell him that. Right? I mean, his email could be flooding with death threats right now, and that would be horrible in any situation. 

But like, I can’t use my regular email. That would be fucking lame. Who does that? Isn’t that the whole point in this anyways? Keep it a secret?

Not that I would care or anything. It’s only fair that way. I mean, if I don’t get to know who he is, why should he know who I am? That’s stupid. So… if I made a new email, that wouldn’t be weird or whatever, right? Because he did it, so…

Fuck it. 

It’s my choice, anyways. 

So, maybe I made a new email to talk to him, alright? What’s the big deal? Fuck you, don’t judge my story. So, okay. I have to make a fake email, right? But like… how the fuck do you do that? It’s just stupid regardless of the final product, because, you know, only losers make fake emails. 

And only nerds make it a reference to a book. 

But people don’t know I like to read… 

[ routesventeuses@gmail.com ](mailto:routesventeuses@gmail.com) .

There.

I mean, French is kinda cool. People like that language. So, that's a redeeming quality to the whole “I’m talking about a book where a kid makes head maps for people who aren’t mentally stable”. Add one of the love languages and people won’t care that the translation is actually idiotic. Sue me for it. 

I think that’s the hard part down anyways. Now I just have to write my totally cool and not at all childish email. Piece of cake. Duh.

“Dear…”

Fuck. I don’t actually know his name. Motherfucker. Hold on a sec.

“Dear Green,”

Yeah. Sure. That works, right? Well, it does now. 

“You know, I’ll be the first to admit it. Coming out at our school? That takes guts.”

Because, you know, no point in stalling. I like to get right to the point. 

“Not that I would know what it’s like to do so. That’s essentially a death wish here, so I suppose you went about doing it the right way, huh?

“I guess doing it online is really the safest way. I mean, we’re told constantly how the internet can be our worst nightmare if we put information on it that’s personal since it can never be erased. Yet no one ever talks about how harmful saying things in person can be. Hey, maybe I’m just dramatic, but I think it seems pretty genius to me.

“Anyways, you’re probably wondering why I’m writing this,”

That’s where I have to pause, because honestly, why am I? I mean, sure, I could tell him he’s cool. But… I mean, that’s kind of fucking weird for this, isn’t it?

“I suppose I am too. Maybe it’s because I get what it’s like to hold some giant ass secret inside without letting anyone in to see it. Not even my sister.

“Point is, you’re not alone. You know why? Because there’s at least three of us at our school now. Maybe we should be the next version of the plastics, but, you know, gayer.”

God, that’s fucking stupid, why did I write that? Let me try again, holy shit. 

“Maybe we can stick together. Some sort of pact, you know? Help each other out when things get shitty.

“Sincerely,”

Fuck. Maybe I shouldn’t have done the lame but okay because it’s in french email name. I mean, how the fuck do I sign it now? 

Okay. Let’s think. Connor - it means the lover of hounds.

Well.

I’m not a furry, so absolutely fucking not.

Murphy - it means sea warrior.

Am I a damn mermaid now? No. So, that leaves one option.

Lawrence - it means fierce. 

Well, he definitely won’t doubt me being gay now.

“Sincerely,  féroce.”

Love languages make shit less cringy. We already had this discussion. 

Deal with it.

_ Email, sent. _

And now it’s the inevitable time when one must sit and wait for a response. You know, as every person does when they tell some random stranger that they also happen to like men despite being a man. Totally normal email to send.

Right?

…

What the fuck did I just get myself into?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Senior year is kind of kicking my ass at the moment. I mean, I got a job, I've been doing college applications, the musical is going on (we're doing the Addams Family), and, not to mention, I'm now president of one of the choirs at my school.  
> So, writing has kind of been on the back burner recently.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this first chapter! It took me over a month to write it, so...  
> Well, if it flops, then it flops.  
> My instagram is still @just.an.anxious.kid if you want to follow me there :)  
> Hopefully I can start to write more again!  
> Sincerely, me.


End file.
